Why knowing a couple of vampires would make writing academic papers so much easier

No, this is not another way of procrastinating!
or at least, not only that.

Annie was saying the other day, that if we knew a vampire or two, it would be so much easier to describe the situation of female slaves/prostitutes of the first centuries, and to discuss if and in what ways slaves in Christian ownership where in different situations then those in Pagan ownership. It wouldent be so much of that guesswork which seemed to fill the whole of the Women in House churces book we read for one of our courses. You simply go to your friend Tertullius, probably called something else today so as to not draw to much attention to himself, and ask him. You have him describe everything from his own memory. Maybe he was a freedman himself, being once the slave of some rich man who gave him his freedom because he  Tertullius saved his daughters life in a big fire. Or you could call up Magdalena, who belonged to a congregation in Corinth, she had two boys and before she got attacked by a vampire, she and her boys where baptized by Apollos. She could in lively pictures tell you about the situation of the Corinthian church, and you dident have to spend hours with your head burried in your sourcetext and interpretations and secondary sources. You could go out and have a beer and get an A for your paper.

If only I knew a vampire or two....